Machete Kills

Machete-Kills-bannerLet’s get trashy. The machete-wielding Mexican is back on a dangerous mission to save the US/ world. When a mad revolutionary gets hold of a nuclear missile and threatens to bomb Washington DC, president Charly Sheen (Carlos Estevez) sends his best man, Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) behind enemy’s lines. But after things get unneccessarily complicated, Machete learns that the true enemy comes in shape of mad scientist/ philantropist/ sci-fi-nerd Voz (Mel Gibson), who wants to create a new society moonraker-style. Will Machete be able to stop him? Will he avenge his lover’s/ partner’s death (Jessica Alba)? And can he finally find a place to be for his Mexican brothers and sisters? (answer below (kind of))


Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t give a crap. “Machete Kills” is an atrocious movie, that ends on an unneccessary cliffhanger. After half of the movie, the plot makes a turn towards sci-fi-terretory with the introduction of Voz as the main villain. And that is a turn for the worse in my opinion, as it takes away any kind of down-to earthness.

Don’t get me wrong: Machete was always unrealistic and stupid, but that was part of the fun. The character and his actions were grounded because of the “realistic” setting. It was funny because the over-the-top-kills wouldn’t be possble in the real world. The sci-fi-addition makes anything possible, so that even more gruesome deaths make the viewer just go “hm, ok.


Like Danny Trejo went when Amber Heard proposed the option to 3D-sex

It would have been better the filmmakers would have made a film that  was as down-to-earth as the first one was in plot and setting. And then, in the third movie, they could have gone super-crazy with everything. Think about it: Machete…in space. It could have been a really awesome movie, like “Pacific Rim“. But “Machete Kills” feels rather like an unwanted prequel to that, like the “Pacific Rim“- prequel (which hopefully never gets made). When I saw the fake trailer for “Machete kills again…in Space“, I had a cool and fitting idea for the sequel in my head: Machete gets frozen and awakes 300 years in the future, where he has to participate in a star war. This would be even more awesome due to the fact that this is the premiss of “Jason X


Everything just seems so lazy: the acting, the plot, the jokes. There were very few scenes and moments that really made me laugh, but much of it I already knew from the trailer. But the most offending aspect of the film is the look: It is shot in HD! I mean, we’re talking about Machete here, a mexploitation grindhouse flick, an hommage to 70’s B-/ C-movies with a gritty look and scratches on the movie-reel. “Machete Kills” looks crystal clear! Dafuq?! It seems like the people who made this movie had no idea what Machete is all about.


Machete Kills” is a shitty sequel and an even shittier movie. Stay away from it as far as you can. The only good thing about it is that it made me question so-called “cultdirectors”.

This entry was posted in Movies. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s