Silent Hill Revelation 3D or: The worst movie I’ve seen in 2012

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I just have to write about this movie! I love Silent Hill, I love the movie by Christophe Gans, I love the videogames (though I’ve only played the 1st and the 4th installment, and the latter one sucks), and I find the premisse really compelling.

I don’t understand why so many people hate the movie. For me, the first half is very close to the games, and even feels like an actual videogame. The second half is a very nice interpretation of what’s going on there. Sure the movie does have its flaws, but it’s far from bad. So I was also looking forward to the second part, but the closer day it opened in cinemas came, the more worried I got. The trailer did not look that promissing, especially with that really bad CGI- spider-thingy running around. In the end, all my fears came true.

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Story:

So 5 years after the events of the first film, Sharon Da Silva (Adelaide Clemence) and her dad Christopher Da Silva (Sean Bean)… oh, I’m sorry, I mean Heather Mason and Harry Mason, are still on the run from crazy cultists from the town of Silent Hill, even though Heather believes they are running from the police for a murder Harry has had committed. So yould have a great premisse to find out what’s real and what’s not, even though this is the second part and people have probably seen the first film, or played the games. But even so, when you are revealing that everything that has happened is true, letting the characters question their own sanity is probably not the best way to start a film. But I’m getting distracted here.

So with their new names they have moved to a new town, and on first day at school Heather finds out that shes been followed by the probably worst private detective ever. But no problem, he gets himself killed soon after. But when Harry also gets kidnapped, Heather and her love interest – I mean – school colleague, Vincent (Kit “Jon Snow” Harington) go to Silent Hill, to find Harry and kill white-faced Claudia (Carry-Ann Moss), who turns out to be none other than *sound of drums* Vincent’s mother. Because sending your horny teenage son after a hot young teenage girl is the cleverest idea one can have to take over the world.

So they come to Silent Hill and the usual stuff happens.

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Review:

You may have got the idea how much this movie sucks, especially compared to the first movie, which gets kinda retconned her: So the Christian sect of witch hunters are in reality some people called the Cult of Voulture?

Radha Mitchell and Deborah Unger both get only a small cameo, also Malcolm McDowell, who’s only scene in the movie is also probably the best. He has much fun playing the crazy grandfather, and he may be the only one thinking logically in the entire movie. Sadly his scene only lasts a few minutes and after it he disappears from the movie.

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Then the audience gets a lot of fanservice: The infamous, creepy, undead nurses are back in a scene which defies logically thinking in the movie-verse. And then there’s Pyramid Head, who not only appears 4 times in the movie, but also gets to fight against the main villain, on our side. Oh yes, there is a final fight, inseat of just splatter and gore, which happened in the first movie. In the end, there’s a promise of a third movie, but I hope it won’t happen.

Silent Hill Revelation is movie that is based on fan-service. All those purists who had complained and whined about the first movie got their pladings heard, and the result is this piece of crap. Seriously, even the set design looks fake and shitty.

Oh and big pink rabbits are clearly evil!

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