The most fairest of them all: Grimm’s Snow White

This is the third entry in the coverage of 2012’s Snow White adaptations.

Cover

In a magical kingdom with elves, magic and dragons, an evil queen named Gwendolyn (Jane March) seeks the source of most powerful magic: An everburning green fire. In order to do so, she has to have more recources, so she wants to marry a foreign prince (Jamie Thomas King). The fact that she’s already married is neglected by getting her husband killed on a hunt. So Prince Alexender arrives with the proposal to marry the queen, but when he lays eyes on her stepdaughter Snow White (Eliza Bennet), he completely changes his plans and wants to marry the latter. Gwendolyn does not like that idea and decides that the girl must vanish. So her servant should kill her during a stroll through the forest (Why they would stroll through the forest in which deadly dragons are roaming I have no idea). And who would have guessed it, before the assassin can strike, they are attacked by a dragon. Snow White is saved and rescued by a forest- elf and brought to his home.

You see, the elves are the movie’s dwarfs. And more interestingly, there are almost never seven of them. Anyway, they elves are not happy about a human being in their midst, for the elves (who know powerful magic) are enslaved by the humans.

They elves don’t want her there, she tris to go home, gets attacked by the queens giant hyans, a dragon and gets rescued by the prince, but they don’t meet and she comes back to the elves. The elve’s leader Mara (Frauke Steiner) decides to helßp her fight the evil queen, even if this has to be done without the help of the more powerful dark elves, who also guard the magic fire the queen desires (for whatever reason).

Snow White and the 7 (?) … elves go into town to meet with the queen’s slave-elf, who betrays them. The magically turned-into-a-crowne-queen (advertisment-alarm: special make-up for the crowne by Natascha Zenig – note: she was NOT responsible for the fake elve’s ears!) offers Snow White an apple, and you know what happens.

Crowne, in the background, the special make-up artist in a cameo as a gypsy woman (due to lack of extras as it seems)

But in the meantime the prince finds out that Snow hite is in fact alive, and saves her just in time from being burned after found dead. They team up, he offers her his army, but when he returns to the queen (whom he is still supposed to marry), he gets betrayed and falls under the queen’s spell – or doesn’t he!?

Turns out that even though he looked her directly into the eyes, he didn’t, and so the spell didn’t work. So he saves himself and the one elf that got captured, and comes – once again – to Snow White’s rescue when the final battle in the forest is not really going in her favour… In the end, Snow White and Gwendolyn stand off against each other, and one of them will be a whole headlength shorter…

And they’ll live happilly ever after…

Review

This movie is bad. The Asylum makes bad movies, so it was no surpirse that ths movie will be no different. But honestly, I could see that at least a little bit of effort was put into it.

The movie was partly shot in Austria an Slovakia in 2011’s autumn, and I was thinking about being part of this production. I eventually declined, but some friends of mine/ people I know have been working there (the forementioned Natascha Zenig and Frauke Steiner for example)

The story is…weird, and oddly enough kinda complex. But it’s so poorly put together that you just don’t give a damn about what’s going on. The acting is bad, not-quite mediochre at best (from a very few actory, Jane March and Frauke Steiner for example), and the visual effects are terrible as usual (you know what The Asylum is known for 😉 ).

It may sound like that “A Deadly Summer” would look like the better movie, but I guess they are equally bad. What makes this movie more watchable is the fact that they actually did real night shots, and Jane March is believeably evil (and beautyful).

As for Snow White, she is blonde. If you are familiar with the fairy tale, you would know that Snow White has got hair as black as pitch. Although some people say this was so in the original fairy tale and just got altered through time, I still find this very odd.

What’s funny is, that the movie is called “Grimm’s Snow White“. A trademark for Asylum movies is to put the creator’s name in front of the title, like “Bram Stoker’s Way of the Vampire” or “Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes“. These movies normally have nothing to do with the original work they are based on, and here it is nothing different: This Snow White movie couldn’t be further from the fairy tale. Dragons, elves with fake pointed ears instead of dwarfs, crazy plots and subplots, a blonde Snow White. At least she’s eating the apple (I’mpoining the finger at you: Mirror, Mirror and A Deadly Summer)

I don’t hate this movie, no. Worse: I don’t care at all for this movie. Even some scenes that could be quite erotic are so poorly staged that it is very disappointing to watch. Like “A Deadly Summer“, if you have a faible for bad movies that are not really trash, you can watch it.

But due to the fact that The Asylum likes to “mock” Hollywood blockbuster, there is one movie left to review…

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