A story…about being nice and stuff

Let me tell you a story:

Tody I met up with a female friend of mine. She was about to produce a short movie of mine in March, but on Sunday she messaged me, asking if we could meet today to discuss our project. So we met. And guess what she told me: She wouldn’t be able to produce the movie, because she would have too much else going on right now. I said ok, it wouldn’t be that much of a deal, and was totally cool with it, though it’s a pity she wouldn’t have time to participate.

But I really appreciated the way she told me: She had told me face to face, and not via phone-call, e-mail or sms. That’s fair, and honest, and though she won’t have time for approximately the next freaking year to produce any of my movies, I know one day it would happen.

But I think I am digressing. Point is: she told me in a personal talk that she wouldn’t be WORKING with me.

Which brings me to the actual story I wanted to talk about: I just received a similar message by another girl I know. But I can guarantee you, this was not about WORKING. Rather I was turned down. Not that that it would be something new for me, no. But while I had got the mitten for a business relationship in a personal talk, this one I received via sms.

So, that was the part I wanted to talk about,

but I could go on. I have known this girl for two and a half months, was attracted to her from the first moment I saw her. and we really went along pretty well. The few times we’ve met since we went out for a drink or to club (at 1 a.m. AND the night before I had an examen and had to give in some papers, yeah, what I wouldn’t have done to see her again), but she now wrote all she would want is “friendship”.

I guess some of you, dear readers, are familiar with that phrase/ word, when it’s used in a situation like above. What would you suggest this means? You can’t be with her but you still can be friends.

Pardon me, but I refuse to believe that. I believe that not even she believes in it.

It’s not about friendship. It’s about getting rebuffed in a way nobody (that means: she) could feel bad about – in theory. You see, she doesn’t want to be together with you, why would she then befriend you? The one adjective she would describe you is “nice“. Being nice is the lamest and worse description you could get. Being nice means that you won’t get laid. Being nice also means, she can’t spot anything bad about you (which doesn’t mean she could spot anything interesting/ good about you either), but she wouldn’t want to be with you. Because she can’t tell you to “Fuck off“, for there wouldn’t be a reason for that, she says she would want to be friends.

But what does that really mean? Friendship is not just anything anyone could have. Like a relationship, you have to work on a friendship as hard (or, according to some people, even harder). If someone you have only known for a brief time yet tells you that, I wonder why  this person would want a friendship instead of a being-togetherness? (I used that neologism istead of “relationship”, because I think relationship is something that grows out of being together. Also, i like neologisms)

This person doesn’t. His/her (ok, let’s face it, there’s no guy who wouldn’t have never thought about sleeping with a female friend, so, I should just stay with “her“) lips may say “friendship”, but in their mind you are already forgotten.

So, next time the person you want to be together with tells you that, just think about what she/ he could mean by that, and maybe remind this person what it would mean to be “just friends”.

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2 Responses to A story…about being nice and stuff

  1. Carina Go says:

    “Because she can’t tell you to “Fuck off“, for there wouldn’t be a reason for that, she says she would want to be friends.”
    Candour – one of the things which seem to have become a rarity nowadays… Civility is a mask we all have been raised to use and which, undoubtedly, makes certain things easier, but which bears the risk of becoming shallow too soon… Often it’s just used as the easy way out – you don’t have to deal with certain situations, to argue, to think…

    “Like a relationship, you have to work on a friendship as hard (or, according to some people, even harder).”
    Agreed. If you take the concept of close friendship seriously there’s not much difference to a relationship – you share both happy and sad moments, support each other, and are willing to compromise. All these things are worth the effort, but can also take up time, strength and nerves.

    • befilmt says:

      I’m not certain about what to do…
      On the one hand I don’t want a friendship, on the other hand I don’t really want to lose her. And on the third ahnd (boy this must be a mutant :D) I don’t know whether she really meant to or not.

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