How to write a Dan Brown novel

1.) Pick a topic that’s controversial and centre of many arguments.

2.) Into this topic you throw in at least one/ two secret organisations. They don’t have to have much in common with the topic, but at least somehow you have to make a connection.

3.) Always keep in mind that you have to write a novel that has to be understandable for analphabets!

4.) Give the book a male protagonist with some neurotics, the more the better

5.) Every hero must have a love interest, and she should be an expert at something

6.) The main villain must be a mysterious figure that has to be revealed in the third act.

7.) The main villain must always be the best friend/ accomplice of the protagonist, so it will be a surprise for the readership.

8.) There  also has to be one henchman with issues/ certain handicaps. This henchman also has to be recognisable, so you can be told apart by his looks.

9.) The henchman must endanger the male and female protagonist many times, before he can be killed by the male one, and always the male one.

10.) The secret the book is about has to be revealed, it doesn’t matter how ridiculous it is.

11.) Still keep in mind about the analphabets, so write as many chapters as possible. Preferable the chapters shouldn’t be much longer than one page.

12.) Put in as many different perspectives as possible, you can even narrate from the villains’ persepctives.

13.) Put the protagonists in as many dangerous situations as possible, and make them escape death close each time

14.) It doesn’t matter how ridiculously unrealistic these situations are.

15.) If you have no idea for a thrilling book, just steal from another author no one knows.

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5 Responses to How to write a Dan Brown novel

  1. I’ve read 4 of the Dan Brown novels and I agree with most of the items on the list. Specially the one about secret organizations and the female expert protagonist.

    • befilmt says:

      I’ve also read 4 books, and to be clear: I really like them. Brown has a very good way to keep people reading. But after a while you get bored of the same old stereotypes.

      And I’ve been thinking for a while about the “Dan Brown formula”, so I decided to make this funny “how to”-post 😀

      btw: thanks for following my blog

  2. Cave Story says:

    Seems like I’m ready to write my own book 🙂

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